Beautiful Chaos: Start of School

As usual, the end of summer is quite bittersweet. Vera was excited to be a first grader, but I have to admit that I was sad to send her to first grade already. In my mind, Kindergarteners are still babes. They're innocent and still so childlike. Sending her to Kindergarten was hard, but for me, first grade means Vera's really growing up. I remember some details of first grade myself, so for me, this new school year brings the reality that Vera is truly growing up. Tear.

Vince and Annie entered the new routine with some excitement and some reluctance. Fortunately, on their very first day back at Patty's house, Vera was with them. It seems that if the three of them can do something together, they all feel safe and comfortable. Vera was excited to see the gang at Patty's house again. It's been good for Vince & Annie to get back to a routine. As far as I can tell, they've adapted well.

And for me, as school started this year, it was the reminder and re-realization that there will be things around the house that are neglected. As the years go by, it's harder and harder for me to tolerate a neglected house. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I've realized that a house with clutter and messy floors causes me anxiety. During the school year, my kitchen floor goes days without being swept. Sticky spots and crumbs stuck to my feet becomes the new normal. Oh and the laundry...there's always a few baskets of clean clothes that await folding. We rummage through them during the week to find an outfit, a shirt, some socks. It's just the norm.

This year, the start of school was particularly difficult. For the first week, I had a difficult time adjusting to Vera's routine. She came home on the first day of school with homework already. It was detailed, and, for me, seemed completely unreasonable for the first day of school. Adam and I both commented that these first graders are children who've played all summer long. What ever happened to easing in to things? Isn't there something to be said about making these 6 and 7 year-olds feel welcome and safe before delving into homework expectations? I will admit that I was pretty disappointed, and even told Adam at one point that, "I just don't want to do this. I don't want to be tied to homework each night. I want my kids to play outside together after dinner. I want to enjoy my family and our time together." It was a true realization that this is our life now. Gone are the homework-free days. As a mom, I was completely contradicting the teacher in me.

Perhaps the homework made me feel so overwhelmed because we were incredibly busy with activities in the first weeks of school. We had soccer 2 nights per week with games starting at 6. Vera started CCD the second week of school, which now consumes much of our Wednesday evenings. She also participated in the pee wee cheer camp, which was also the second week of school. We were running her somewhere every single night. Let's not forget baths and getting to bed by 8. My kids still require a lot of sleep. It was a real slap in the face for us. Even Vera told me, "Mom, I wish I were a kindergartener again." When I asked her why, she responded, "Because I didn't have soccer and religion and homework. It was a lot easier." I felt the never-ending mom guilt as she said this. I hope my anxiety and stress didn't rub off on her too much, but I know she definitely felt the blow as the school year commenced.

I realized a few things during this time...I had to start using the calendar in my phone rather than a paper desk calendar I had always used before. (I know, time to join the 21st century.) I couldn't keep everything straight, and needed to have my schedule with me at all times. In fact, Adam mis-read the soccer schedule more than once. I also realized that Vin & Annie cannot be drug to every single soccer game, which meant that Adam or I had to also miss a game. Honestly, I feel ok about this. Vera's always had one parent at her games, and it's good for her to realize that we cannot be everywhere. There are other responsibilities for Adam & I. Finally, I learned that I had to start getting up even earlier. I get up by 5:10 every day. I have to stick to that because otherwise, it's a complete madhouse to get everyone out the door by 7. A rushed morning for the kids and I is a terrible way to start our day.

But, now that we're 6 weeks in to the new school year, we've adapted to the new normal. The homework is very manageable, mostly because Vera is doing so well in school. Soccer is coming to an end, and we will soon feel a breather in the evenings. I know that many other first grade families felt just as overwhelmed as we did. And I know that this is just the beginning of activities and homework. I guess I just wasn't ready. I didn't cherish last year's freedom enough. Isn't hindsight always 20/20?

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Vera had a terrific first day of school. She was so excited to have art on her first day; she loves art class! She was also pretty thrilled to wear a dress; she loves wearing pretty clothes to school. My first day also went well; I have great kids this semester. Vin & Annie enjoyed "new" toys and friends at Patty's house.